Tuesday, June 1, 2021

If I Could Go Back

When I was younger, I mostly traveled to the past. I let the pens of others whisk me away into the lives of heroes and lovers of another time. I often found myself in the likes of ancient Greece, or the medieval Scottish Highlands, admiring the way warriors with their swords and courage defended those they loved. Or in fantastical lands of enchanted forests, mythical beasts, and wondrous magic.

I often felt I was born in the wrong time, an old soul cursed to live in this dystopian modernity, isolated from the beauty the world once held and the unshakeable faith that gripped mankind. So I took up my own pen and traveled again and again. Often, back to those archaic Highlands and most often into the realms of fantasy and ancient gods.

In more recent years, I find myself traveling forward to the distant future to visit lands and peoples beyond the stars. Peoples who have chosen to protect their planets and preserve their nature with technologies we refuse to employ for the love of the illusion of wealth. Peoples far advanced beyond us in many ways, but still trapped within the same intrigues and problems of thought we have now, because, no matter how many limbs, eyes, horns, or tails they possess, people are still people and humanity is still humanity regardless of the body in which a soul resides. 

But if I could go back again, just one more time, I wouldn’t waste the trip on those ancient lands. I wouldn’t idle my hours away in the realms of might and magic.

I would go back but a few years, about half a decade or so. Back to the time where I first learned what true love was and those that came before were cast into the obscurity of childish infatuation. Back to those moments where I was the happiest I’d been in my entire life. Back to when you were mine. 

I would find myself back in your car, top down, cruising down the road with the wind in my hair and your hand on my thigh. You would smile, looking at me out of the corner of your eye as we embarked upon another adventure in search of dilapidated abandoned buildings to capture with your camera. We would both laugh when Guys My Age by Hey Violet came on the radio and we realized what the lyrics were.

Back to when I would sit naked at your feet while we watched some silly movie and you played with my hair. Or the shower where I would enjoy washing you while you tugged on the thick chain of my collar before returning the favor. To the moments we tried and failed to take a nap, always managing to fall into each other’s arms where you made me realize I could feel sexual attraction for someone. 

To the time when you would insist on opening every door for me like the chivalrous creature you were and I could sneak a peek at the best ass I’d ever seen. I would pinch that ass and relish your startled jump and the stern look you would give before squeezing the back of my neck and directing me into the restaurant. 

To the time when such a large man as you, crawled gingerly across the floor to attempt to pet my skittish cat who was scared of men. To the time you traveled three and a half hours to come to a dance show I wasn’t even performing in just to kiss me for the first time. To every time you locked that collar around my neck when I entered your presence.  

I would go back for just one more taste of the best omelets I’ve ever had, lovingly prepared after a night beside you, hoping against hope that you would one day love me back. Hoping that every touch, every kiss, every slap of my ass wouldn’t be the last. 

I would go back with what I know now and fully embrace the things you brought out in me but never fully bloomed until after you shattered my heart and walked away.

I would go back, for one more touch of your fingertips upon my skin. For one more breath of your scent in my nose. One more look at your agonizing beauty, your kind eyes, and your strong shoulders. One more night in your arms and your love in my heart.

If I could go back one more time.



  1. Those are some beautiful things you want to go back to. Sounds like really special times. One place I still want to visit is the Highlands :)
    ~ Marie xox

    1. I also want to visit the Highlands. Although if I could only go one place abroad, it would be Egypt. But if I could do both...

  2. This is soooo beautiful Dancer - I have tears
    May x

    1. Thank you. :) I know it's a more abstract interpretation of the prompt, but it was what I thought I'd immediately when I saw it.