Tuesday, May 11, 2021

Fruit Salad: My Complicated Relationship with Genitalia

Welcome, ladies, gentlemen, and the technicolor rainbow in between, to another asexuality post in which I detail my complex relationship with genitalia. 

I...I don’t like them. They make me uncomfortable.

I have forever been against the practice of having dick pics as your profile pic on websites. I’d hazard a guess, and say most women are. It’s partly a consent thing for me. I want the choice in whether I look at your dick or not. I’ve gotten some shit for this from the male body positivity crowd, about it being hypocritical because no one says this to women with tit or twat pics.

Ah, ah, ah. Stop right there. Let me be clear. One, boobs and cocks are not equivalent body parts. Two, I don’t like ANY genital avatars. I don’t really care what equipment you’re packing below the belt. I don’t want it in my face the first moment I speak to you. I want the option to choose whether I look at it or not. 

If it’s an artistic shot where the focus is not necessarily on the bits, I’m cool. It’s the disembodied closeups that really turn me off. And, while I’ve been in the sex blogging community for seven years now, I still don’t really post comments on photos that are primarily focused on genitalia, as my brain just kind of shorts out and I click off the page in a panic. I avoid nudes chats in my own community forums because I have the same reaction there. At parties in the past, if I wandered into a room with a naked human and their privates were visible, I’d stare at the ceiling and make my way out. My brain just doesn’t have the CPU capacity for bits, I guess.

I have also received criticism for being vocal about my dislike of oral sex, on either side of it. It’s a weird thing to get shit for. I get it, many people like giving head. I have just always been viscerally turned off by it for as long as I’ve known what it was. For some reason, some people get...angry about that? Women in particular? Like I’m somehow belittling them for liking it when I say I don’t? I’m sorry that I don’t find it sexy and that I think semen tastes like bleach-flavored snot (sorry guys). Nothing against anyone who does enjoy it, but I just don’t. 

Now, don’t get me wrong. I still perform oral sex on my partner (or have and would if I currently had one). I’d say I’m a fair hand...or a fair mouth, I suppose...at it. It just doesn’t turn me on. It’s an act purely for the pleasure of my partner and one that they have to initiate. It’s certainly not something I will go out of my way to offer. 

I’ve always been a bit conflicted about my perception of the naughty bits. I mean, I like sex. I like having sex with penises, but I don’t...like...penises? I’m attracted to masculinity, but for some reason the penis doesn’t really factor into that. Like, yes, it’s great that it’s there. It will come in handy for the eventual sexy times, but it doesn’t really factor into my attraction. 

A previous partner and I would send each other pictures every morning and he did this thing where he would always have some sort of object strategically placed to hide his cock. He did it just to be funny, and I had no association with the asexual spectrum at the time, but looking back on it, I really liked it. He was the focus of the photo, not his dangly parts. 

I was always a bit conflicted about this dislike as I explored my sexuality. I didn’t like vulvae. I didn’t like penises. But I liked men, but only really masculine men. I had thought, perhaps because that’s what I’d been told, that I was just a prude. And it wasn’t until I started poking around in asexuality forums that it really clicked. 



That’s why. 

Now I’m in this strange place where I can admit it’s theoretically possible, if unlikely, for me to be romantically attracted to a woman, but I don’t know how I would figure out the sex part. While I don’t really like either kind of bits, but I’m used to cocks, and am therefore more comfortable with the idea of sex with a penis-haver. 

I have a hard time talking about it with others, because I’m afraid I’m going to make them feel bad somehow about their bits just because I am mildly repulsed by all bits. Really though, this isn’t a comment on the attractiveness of genitals in general, my brain is just wired a bit funky.     

Wicked Wednesday


  1. Where I am not asexual, this totally rang true for me too: "I don’t really care what equipment you’re packing below the belt. I don’t want it in my face the first moment I speak to you. I want the option to choose whether I look at it or not."

    I don't understand why people would criticize you because you don't like oral sex. I mean, we all like different things, and people should just respect that it's not your thing!

    Thank you for sharing these thoughts with us, as it teaches more about asexuality.

    ~ Marie

    1. It was definitely a weird situation where this woman seemed to be offended by my dislike of blow jobs. The worst part was she was one of the women dating my ex at the time.

  2. Wow! I am amazed that people criticize you for saying you don't find penises, or vulvas attractive. Many people I have met, mostly vanilla types, think I am weird because I DO like looking at penises. Not that I think you are weird. You are you.
    Thank you for sharing and opening this old mind a little further.

  3. Thanks you for writing this - I found it very interesting. I have been critiqued about some of my likes or dislikes regarding sex in the past and I think it is the person dealing out the criticism who has the problem
    May x